11/03/2013

Marriage Isn't For Me

Tonight as I flopped into bed and perused the online wasteland that is Facebook, I stumbled upon an article circulating that a friend of mine had shared. An article titled Marriage Isn't For You, written by a married blogger named Seth.

In the post Seth talks about the revelation he had during a poignant conversation with his father before his wedding. A conversation that revolved around his readiness for, fear of and concerns about marriage. A conversation where his Dad perfectly highlighted how marriage is a commitment in which the main focus is not only on you, but the person you make that vow to. The one you grow, share and spend the rest of your life with. 

The words his father said were simple. To the point and poignant. 

"Marriage isn't for you. It's not about you. It's about the person you married."

Carl and I have been together 12 years now, married for just over 2. In those years we've undoubtedly been through our fair share of obstacles. Obstacles that range from fighting over whether or not to have onions in our tacos - to the painstakingly messy chaos that is uprooting of our lives to move across the world and be together. We've both made awful mistakes - many of them, in fact. We've yelled, swore, fought and cried. Acted like complete and utter assholes, been blissfully ignorant to the challenges in building a life together - said and done things we've grown to regret. But we've also overcome all of our trials and tribulations, Our fair share of rain storms. The pot holes in our long and windy road always find a way to be filled in and patched up. In our relationship as girlfriend and boyfriend, fiance(e), and husband and wife we've persevered. We've hoped and dreamed, laughed and lived, grown and matured.

Together. 

Carl and I have grown to realize that loving someone isn't always easy, it isn't always perfect. The truth is that there aren't butterflies that follow us, rose petals don't magically appear on our bed, and it's a true statement that the dynamics of any relationship inevitable changed the first time you see the other person puke or poop. 

Marriage is hard because love is hard.

Love affects you like no other emotion can. You must be willing to stumble through all of the shit and still put the happiness of another person just as high on the totem pole as you do your own joy. You must be willing to occasionally stuff your own wants and needs deep down into your pocket in order to make room for theirs. To dream and hope and fight for a fulfilling life that is shared, a life that is intertwined with not only the person you promised to love, but their family members and the family unit you two some day create together. It is a complicated, passionate, powerful, wonderful partnership. It's about the two of you coming together as one.

Marriage is special, because love is special. 

1 comment:

  1. Loved that article! It is so easy to forget that your husband's job isn't to make you happy!

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