I consider myself to have a pretty high pain threshold. In my lifetime I've been paralyzed for a week (I contracted transverse myelitis, in case you're just as
nosy curious as I am), had 3 kidney stones (now that's a throw up and think your insides are on fire kind of pain) and in high school I fell down the school bus stairs getting my arm caught in the railing - royally messing up my rotator cuff (just call me Grace). But there's just something about tooth pain that sets it apart from any other bodily discomfort. Piercing, throbbing, relentless agony that resonates right through your jawbone to your core. Like the time I got a basketball to the face in elementary school. My bottom front tooth snapped right in half, exposing the nerve. Breathing was like having a demented frosty the snowman smoosh a freezing cold popsicle to my tooth. For hours. It was horrendous. But nothing like the vindictive popcorn kernel that last night managed to wedge itself between my bastard wisdom tooth that is uselessly protruding through my gum.
(do excuse the momentary rant with use of
WHAT THE FUCK IS THE POINT IN WISDOM TEETH ANYWAY?! SERIOUSLY? WHY WOULD SOMETHING GROW WHERE IT ISN'T WANTED OR NEEDED?
The honest truth is that I look more forward to giving birth than I do to ever having a kernel wedge itself into my wisdom tooth again. I'd rather be in labor for 18 hours, pushing out a 10lb baby with a head the size of the moon (you do realize I've just jinxed myself in writing this, right? Have any of you seen the size of my husbands head?) than suffer with tooth pain.
Why, you ask? How in the world could someone ever wish that, you say?
Because at least at the end of labor you have something wonderful to show for it. A BABY. A beautiful child that you brought into this world to love unconditionally, support and watch grow up into totally awesome rap-loving teenager who thinks you're about as lame as Pewee Herman.
All I end up with at the end of today is one less sick day at work, a swollen infected wisdom tooth and the inevitable feat of paying an ungodly amount for the looming oral procedure to have these useless teeth removed.
The eviction notice has officially been posted. Guess my sorry ass better start saving.