Kids say the funniest things

Tonight as I scrolled through my drafts I stumbled upon this little gem. How it has not yet been published? I'll never know. For this, ladies and gentlemen, is a compilation of all the hilarious things my  little students said throughout my time teaching in England. 

Enjoy and you're welcome.

Me: "Ok kids, were going to write sentences about The Great Fire of London in our Fact Files now! Can you think of a good one which would involve the street where the fire began? Can you remember what its called? I'll give you a hint, it starts with a capital P." 
Jack: "Mrs. Anderson, is the p word you're looking for pubic?" 
Me: "No, honey. I was thinking of Pudding Lane."

Me: "Jamie, what are you playing with in your pocket?" 
Jamie (holding up a rotten brown carrot): "A carrot for Mummy's horse!"
Me: "Why is it in your pocket at school? Can you throw it in the garbage please?"
Jamie: "But then whats Mummy's horse gonna eat?"
Me: "Don't you think Mom's horse would rather have a nice fresh carrot anyway? That one from your pocket is very old and wouldn't taste very nice."
Jamie: "Alright. But he'd eat it. I know he would cause horsey's eat their own poo, ya know! I watched mummy's one lickin' and eatin' it off the ground!"

While writing our names in shaving cream...
Me: Alright love bugs, please remember you're not to eat the shaving foam. It tastes yucky and could make you very sick. 
Bethany: "You're right about that, Mrs Anderson! I tried me Dad's once and it's not a bit like the whipped cream on cocoa!"

Liam: "Uuummm, excuse me Mrs. Anderson, but are you Irish or something?" 
Me: "No honey, I'm from America. Do you know where that is? Can you point to it for me on the map?" 
Liam Points to map..."Oooh! You're from North America! You're from where Tim Howard is from! Did you see his penalty save the other day?! It was brilliant!" 

While reading a book about colors with little Oliver...
Me: "Ollie, what color is that horse?"
Oliver: "Brown. The horsey is brown."
Me: "Great! Now what about this little pig?"
Oliver: "Oh, that's my favorite color!! That piggy is pink! And Mum says pink makes all the girls wink!" 

In hopes of reducing the number of mud covered children at play time, the playground at my school has just had bark mulch put in. The following conversation took place today when I took the kids out. 
29 excited children: "Wooooaaaah! Look at THAT! What IS that stuff?!" 
Me: "I'm not sure, shall we go have a look? Why don't you pick it up and tell me what it feels like." 
Alexis: "It feels like twigs!" 
Me: "You're right! It does, doesn't it? That's because it's wood that's been chopped up into tiny pieces! Let's have a sniff and see what it smells like!" 
Liam shoves a giant handful up his nose and proclaims: "Wow! It smells like cucumbers!" 
Alexis: "You know, Miss. I've seen this wood stuff before! It means there must be guinea pigs in here somewhere!" 

Bill Crosby is a wise man who speaks truth. Kids really do say the funniest things.


  1. these are awesome! kids really do just say the most fantastic things!

  2. hahaha! I didn't even it make through the first two and I was already rolling! ha!


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