Within the past couple of weeks it's fair to say that 99.9% of the blogs I follow have participated in this fun post. As it made it's rounds here in the blogsphere, I found myself thinking 'I should totally do one of these' every single time I read someone else's. I just never got around to it. So, after about 20 'maybe tomorrow's' I'm finally jumping on the bandwagon and composing my very own post. And those of you who know me in person are already well aware that in the land of Amanda we're honest - maybe sometimes too honest. I'm famous for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, accidentally embarrassing those around me, and I'm one of those people who rants at the television during the evening news. In person as well as on my blog I'm blunt and just I can't help but give my two cents. It's a sickness that I affectionately refer to as diarrhea of the mouth. Blame it on my grandmother, blame it on my mother, blame it on my strong will and gift of the gab, but I always have been and probably always will be one of those people who speaks too much and speaks her mind. This post is real stuff about the real me. The fun loving, loudmouth American who loves to give big hugs but can spew a potty word or 20 when stubbing her toe on the end of the bed.
Of course many of my readers are family and friends (as it should be - the whole reason I started this blog was so that my loved ones back home in the states could follow along in my crazy antics) but to those of you who haven't ever met me in person this post will be fun and enlightening. It's a really great way for my readers and bloggy buddies to get to know me better. As I read the posts from my favorite bloggers I smiled because I felt I really had a better understanding of who they were, like I knew what made them tick. I hope at the end of this post you'll smile in the very same way.
If you really knew me...
You'd know that I have an unhealthy obsession with accents, and there are just some that drive me absolutely crackers. Carl picks on me relentlessly for this and truly doesn't understand how the way someone pronounces words could annoy me, but it does. I can't help it. I've always been that way. For example I can't watch a movie staring bonehead Ewan McGregor because his shitty attempt at an American accent always drives me up a wall. I also can't stomach comedian Paddy McGuinness or ditsy girls who constantly say 'liiiiiikeeee, yeah, like oh my God' every other word. Drives.Me.NUTS.
You'd know that if I go more than 3 days without posting on my blog I feel like an absolute blog failure.
You'd know that ever since elementary school I've felt like the fat, funny, 'huggable' weird kid. I'm still haunted by an incident in 6th grade when the boy I liked told my best friend that I freaked him out because I 'smiled way too much'. Hahaaa! Guess I'm just awkward. Always have been, always will be.
You'd know I hate my chest and if I had the option to chop both of my boobs off, I would. I've always had back pain and since the age of 16 I've seriously considered a breast reduction. There are two reasons why I've not had one: 1) I once heard your nipples can go black afterwards (holy EW!) and 2) I'm too chicken-shit to willingly book an operation for something that isn't life threatening.
You'd know that I Google baby names even though Carl and I have already chosen them for our future children.
You'd know that when I was little I used to stand in front of the TV watching The Wizard of Oz and do every single move of the tin-man-dance. Mom loves to tell that story.
You'd know that my fear of pool grates means that I despise Water Parks. I'm desperately trying to control this utterly RIDICULOUS phobia before I have children so that we can party hard at Wet N' Wild someday.
You'd know that I've seen The Notebook well over 20 times, yet I bawl my eyes out every.single.time.
You'd know that my favorite part of my husband is his lips, only he can make me smile in the middle of a fight and that I adore watching him eat Spaghetti Hoops because he lines up all of the hoops on the bottom tine of his fork. It's probably the most adorable thing in the entire world.
You'd know that at the age of 4 my Grandma Cousino pulled into our driveway and caught me with my ass hanging out of my bedroom window as I tried to escape nap time. I was also famous for screaming 'MOM! I HAVE TO PEE!' and "I NEED A DRINK!" just to get out of my room. Eventually I learned that I wasn't going to get out and screaming just wasn't doing me any favors. That's when I discovered nap time was good for practicing my gymnastic tumbling.
You'd know that I plan to write children's books in the future. It's one of my lifetime goals.
You'd know that I have a Starbucks Gingerbread teddy bear named Philippe that I hug to sleep every single night. If ever there was a house fire he's the first thing I'd grab.
You'd know that I still have N'Sync, Backstreet Boys, Ace of Base and the Spice Girls on my iPod.
You'd know I have serious OCD issues. I count the number of brush strokes when brushing my teeth. I have to cut my toast into triangles. It makes me tweak when couch/bed cushions aren't arranged nicely. I have to make the bed every morning (there can't be any wrinkles in the sheets) and I HATE when the bread isn't twisted closed. Trust me, there are more but I won't bore you...
You'd know that I can't drink milk from other people's houses. It makes me gag just thinking about it.
You'd know that I've never tried shrimp, crab or scallops.
You'd know that I hate 'text talk' and will never send a text or email with 'u' instead of you or 'r' instead of are, yet every single sentence I send has an exclamation mark at the end (even ones like I just saw a dead squirrel in the road, I'm so sad!!!!)
You'd know that I'm afraid of sensors in public toilets. I have been since I first encountered them at Disney World when I was 7 years old. In fact, I used to be so petrified of them that on our annual family drive from Vermont to Florida I'd lie and say I didn't need the bathroom when we stopped at truck stops along the highway. I looked forward to every single crappy gas station and Waffle House we'd stop at just so I could pee in an old fashion toilet that didn't look like it had two black beady eyes watching me. Holy shit I'm getting the shivers thinking about them. Moving right along...
You'd know I have an unhealthy obsession with scarves and my collection isn't too far from the 100 mark.
You'd know I'm afraid of graveyards at night and if I ever drive by one I have to hold my hand up to my eyes to block my view. I'm most afraid of the graveyard my grandmother is buried in as I used to have nightmares I was buried alive there in a box with worms that were eating me.
You'd know I always have to drink things with a straw. I'm convinced everything tastes better that way, especially chocolate milk.
You'd know I'd love to learn to play the saxophone or piano someday.
You'd know that I cannot put mascara on without my holding my mouth wide open. If I willingly try to keep my mouth closed I poke myself in the eye, and then swear like a sailor for the following 5 minutes as I wipe away my tear induced raccoon eyes.
You'd know I think people who always make plans and then cancel them at the very last minute are inconsiderate turds. It's a pet peeve of mine and I find it unbelievably rude.
You'd know I have to sit next to the window in any form of transportation. Otherwise I'll puke all over the poor unsuspecting bugger next to me. I also can't sit backwards when on trains, and the Pirate Ship ride at the fair sends chills through my spine.
You'd know that I think French is the most beautiful language on the planet and I desperately want to learn to speak it.
You'd know I have to be "pet" to sleep every night by my husband. Ever since we've been together he's always tickled my back to sleep just like my Grandma used to when I was little. I can't fall asleep otherwise.
Now it's your turn. What if I really knew you?
Happy Monday, love bugs!