If plastic penis straws, the word 'horny' or photos portraying girly fun as a result of excessive alcohol consumption offends you; you may want to put your car in reverse and beep beep back your butt up on outa here. This post is about my hen party, aka the one night where I was allowed to be an immature, drunken, loud and giggly lady having the time of her life with the best amigas around. If that bothers you, please excuse me when I say: tough shit, sailor Joe!
Saturday night my English best bud and maid-of-honor, Toni, threw me my 'hen party' (aka a Bachelorette party to us Americans) and let me tell ya folks, I had a BALL! I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in my entire life, nor have I ever thought I was dying more the next morning. It was truly epic and I am SO thankful to have such wonderful, caring, fun loving friends here in Jolly ol' England. Girls, I'll miss you more than you know and I feel so blessed to have met such genuinely good people. If it weren't for you ladies, living thousands of miles away from home would have been far more lonely than it has been. I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for making my special night so much fun. I also want to give a special shout out to my best baking buddy, Toni. I can't believe the amount of hard work you put into Saturday and the truth of the matter is that I nearly cried when I first walked in and saw all of the gorgeous decorations and party favors. You're one of the most giving people I've ever met. You truly are one in a million, don't you dare let anyone tell you differently. I love you to the moon and back and there truly aren't words to fully express my appreciation and gratitude. I'm sincerely going to miss you SO much it hurts, I hope you know that. All I can say is amen to Skype and Whatsapp. If it weren't for those things I'd be a basket case.
The evening started at Toni and Carl's house (yes, we're both married to Carl's. And yes, they're both in a band together. You better believe that Toni and I are the best damn 'groupies' around! Ow, Ow!!) The boys were all watching boxing that evening so Toni and I left them to get ready for the nights antics. Halfway through plastering ourselves in fake tan and make-up, Emily arrived and we completed the beautification process together. Between the 3 of us there was an infinite amount of beauty products and hair spray muddled among girl talk of how obnoxious men are when they all get together. Before we knew it we were running way behind schedule and had to hurry to meet the other girls in the City Centre. Thankfully prior to leaving Toni's Carl was a good boy and took a few pictures which I am absolutely in love with. See Exhibit A: the hubs and I saying goodbye to one another in our own dorktastic way: ie, 'fish kisses.' (thanks for these adorable pics, Rooney. I'm impressed you know how to get peoples HEADS in the shot! Haha!)
Toni had reservations at a local bar/restaurant in town called the Slug and Lettuce where the rest of the girls had gathered. These are a few pictures of the car ride there, and the moment I walked into the restaurant and saw the rest of the girls. This is the moment where I was desperately trying not to cry.
Toni had done SUCH a lovely job with party favors for all of the girls. Everyone had a bag filled to the brim with stickers, scratch off dare cards, flashing bunny ears, Hen Party sashes, funny rhyming name badges, a plastic mask of my face (HILARIOUS) and of course plastic penis straws to slurp our pink champagne with. My bag had a few extra goodies such as a 'Bride to be' sash and wand, a pink boa (Toni also had one of these as she was my English maid of honour) a veil, a fluffy learners badge, '1-10 boy rating cards' and a penis squirt gun which I nearly died when I found.
Soon after we 'hen partied' ourselves to the 9s and snapped a few pictures, the pink champagne and yummy food was placed in front of us. We enjoyed delicious southwestern chicken and hoisin duck wraps, potato wedges, onion rings, fries, and nachos. I'd be lying to you if I said I stuck to my diet and didn't wolf down 7 onion rings in the space of 2 minutes...
After a good hour of munching away and tastefully sipping the bubbly, the Jägerbombs made their grand entrance and things quickly spiraled from very lady like to drunken shenanigans. This was fine by me. We ventured to Liverpool's famous Mathew Street (home of The Cavern Club, where The Beatles first played) and before we knew it we found ourselves in a scorching hot and rammed bar dancing on LED dance floors like it was no body's business. We laughed until our stomachs hurt as we handed out the genius scoring cards to delusional drunken boneheads who thought they were a 10 out of 10, when in fact they were a receding hair line and missing tooth 4. In no time Toni's heels were off and I proved once again that my OCD can be beneficial as she comfortably sported my sparkly flip flops the rest of the evening.
By the end of the evening we found ourselves making friends with a fake tan and gel obsessed boy who desperately tried to convince me he was the famous Joey Essex from The Only Way is Essex (I later disappointed him by telling him I despised that show, refuse to watch it as I'm pretty sure it kills brain cells, and I didn't know who the hell Joey Essex was. Haaaha!) In addition to gel-head Joey we made friends with randomers dressed from head to toe as cows (those pictures I've spared my blog as I'm sure none of you want to see Emily and I being complete embarrassments with their plastic udders... which a drunken Leanne referred to as 'utensils' Hahaha!!!) On our way home we also met the one and only Spider-man out on the town with a few other super heroes buddies. Leanne wins the best picture of the night as she looks strikingly similar to Mary Jane Watson in Spider-man's arms. Which I find all together HILARIOUS!
I didn't end up back home and in my bed until 5:45 the following morning, and the truth of the matter was that by time I'd gone to sleep the sun was up, the birds were singing, I was 100% sober and already the disgusting hangover was harassing me. 11am came WAY too quickly and I was forced to rise from the dead and pack for our mini 1st anniversary holiday. At that point in time I was wishing I was never born. But as the day went on and I consumed vast amounts of water, ibuprofen and food; the shakes went away and I slowly returned to my happy-go-lucky self. As I sat in our lovely hotel room celebrating 1 year of marriage I scrolled through the pictures on my phone and laughed out loud. I don't care if it was backwards and I didn't get my English hen party until a year after the wedding, that doesn't bother me one bit. I look at these pictures and I laugh at the wonderful memories and I get an overwhelming sense of happiness. I wouldn't have had it any other way.
Toni, Emily, Kate, Leanne, Jennie and Paula: Thank you SO MUCH for being such great friends, joining me in my drunken adventures, making me feel special and taking the time to make my hen party one to remember. I had the time of my life and these are memories I'll remember forever. You all know where to find me when I'm back across the pond. Don't you forget that there's always a spare room for you in little ol' Vermont ;)