7/20/2012

Friday's Letters

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Dear US Immigration,
Please, for the love of GOD hurry your asses up! This whole process has not only eaten a hole in our wallets but it has used and abused our brain cells, patience and sanity. Ya killin me, smalls! It's been nearly 8 months since we started this hoopla. We just want to get settled in Vermont and start our new life together. Is it really that much to ask? No. Didn't think so.
Pull your finger out!
P.S. Carl and I would prefer you didn't arrange his medical/interview (which is held in London) DURING the Olympics. That would be evil. HA! But who am I kidding, there's no wood around to knock on so I've just jinxed us. Quick! Someone send me a four leaf clover. 
Dear Clear Snotty-Sticky Goo-Crap on the Back of Gift/Credit Cards,
You aggravate me. Really aggravate me. You remind me of a nasty jelly fish (which is altogether disgusting), you never peel off in one convenient clean strip, and I always spend at least 10 minutes desperately trying to flick chunks of you from my fingers.  You are the bane of my existence.  Go awaaaay!
Dear Sonya and Mama Lynne,
I'm so sorry I haven't got around to composing your birthday blog posts yet. As you're both well aware, the last week has been complete MAYHEM and I've spent the last 3 days desperately trying to catch up on all of the events. I haven't forgot about you, I promise! Watch this space!
Dear 50 Shades of Grey,
You've sat on my night stand, bind unbroken, for an entire week as I haven't yet had time to read you. I'm sorry, but I promise to rectify this tonight. I'm dying to see what all the controversial fuss and carry-on is about. You better be a good read after the amount of swooning women I've spoken to...my Mother being the first...and yes now that I know the books content I'm ever so slightly weirded out by this. Mom, Ew! Shouldn't you be reading Home Interior magazines and girly chick-lit books like Water for Elephants? I was okay with Twilight and The Hunger Games but have you told Dad about this latest filth you're encouraging his daughters to read? Haha! 
Anyway, stay tuned as I'll be sharing my highly influential (baha!) verdict very soon.
Dear Bridget Jones,
If I'd never have found Carl...I would be you. The spitting image...well aside from the blonde hair and cigarettes, but you get the point. This is 100% fact. I laugh hysterically at all of the stupid crap you do and I can't help but compare it to all of the stupid crap I've done and continue to do on a daily basis. We are fictional twin sisters. What's even more poignant is that every time Mama Lynne and I watch either of the films (they're our favorite) she dies laughing and calls me Bridget for days afterward. How very ironic.
Lately I've been craving a bit of Bridget, and I think it's time I indulged. 
Tonight Lynne and I need to bust out the face masks, chocolate biscuits, some wine and hit the big triangle PLAY button. What a genius plan. Snap!
Dear Husband,
Thank you SO MUCH for handing me the biggest laugh of my adult life last night. As we fell asleep cuddling, we did the usual ritual of changing positions halfway through the night and sleepily muttered our I love yous. However, last night instead of the usual "I love you, baby" you came out with this epicness: "I love you, tactics. Uhhh, shit. I meant to say baby but my sleepy Carl brain made me say the wrong word." BAHA! I love you, TACTICS? What the hell?! What are you, an army general? I've never even heard you use the word tactics in every day conversation, how very random. Either way, I laughed so hard I had to get up to pee (which was a pain in the caboose, but I'll forgive you and your 'sleepy brain').
You are hilarious and I love you long time.
Mwah.

Well, that's all for me today,  lovelies! Feel free to join us for the link up and share your letters!
Thanks for reading and enjoy the rest of your FRIDAY! :)
Lots of love, love, love,
P.S. If you missed my 1st Anniversary Post make sure you stock up on the tissues and check it out! :)

14 comments:

  1. Once I started the 50 shades series I couldn't put them down! enjoy!

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    1. Oh, girlfriend you are the 80th person to say this! I'm even more excited to get stuck in later! :) Thanks for stopping by! xoxo

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  2. I'm cracking up over Carl's bedtime blunder. Sounds like something my Carl would do! So cool that you are going to be in Vermont! I'm new so I'm not sure if you're from there, but I'm in MA.

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    1. Hi, hunny! Thanks for stopping by!
      Oh, God. He is always saying the most ridiculous crap in his sleep. Really is hilarious - I should start a draft filled with all of them. Haha!

      I love my Green Mountain State and I'm SO excited to be moving back home! Where in MA are you? Hooray for a fellow New Englander! :) xoxo

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  3. BAHAHAHA!!! Tactics? Oh man...I love random sleep conversations. The randomness of it all!! Well you will have to let me know what you think of 50 Shades. We have very similar taste in books and I think your opinion will sway me one way or the other :-) Love ya girl! great letters today!

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    1. I know, where the hell he got the word tactics I'll NEVER know! Hahaha!

      Okay doll, I promise to let ya know I'm going to start it tonight :) Your letters were fantabulous today too :) I love that you joined us again :) Love ya! xoxo

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  4. That is hilarious! Matt does that all the time but he usually grunt and sits up and points. I have no idea. I usually just roll my eyes and go back to sleep. I am totally loving that you said "love you long time". I thought I was the only person that said that. I mean I am sure millions of others do but I have a tendancy to just make up random words or sayings. Have a great weekend!!

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    1. Hahahha he sits up and points?! That's even better! One time Carl was talking about a 1,000 piece jigsaw puzzle. That was pretty hilarious. Normally I smack him and tell him to shut up, or attempt to prolong the conversation so that I can Facebook it! Haha!

      I love that we both say love you long time. It shows how awesome we are :) Have a great weekend, Jess! :) xoxo

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  5. Hahahah love these letters. Your husbands sleepy convo is the funniest thing ever. I love Bridget Jones too! She seriously is just as hilarious every time I watch it.

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    1. Haha it was pretty fabulous. I need to start writing all of them down and compose a big long sleep-talking post. Haha!

      Thanks for stopping by, hunny! :)

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  6. I've got Bridget Jones's Diary on hold from the library! Next on my (re-)reading list! Might as well rent the movie again it too while I'm there...

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    1. The book is fabulous (obviously, most of the time the books are better than the movies) but I think Renee does such a great job of portraying Bridget as a bonehead. I think its a fantastic idea you re-read and watch it. Good for your soul!

      Miss you, Alli! xoxo

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  7. That is too funny about your husband sleep talking! One night, I fell asleep with my head on my hubby's chest and he smacked me in the face twice.. We both sat up and looked at each other, and when he asked "Did I just hit you?" I was too angry and just went back to bed. The next morning, we realized what happened and couldn't stop laughing. That was over a year ago, and we still bring it up occasionally! Random memories are the best!

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